31 Aug

Letting Go of Toxic People


We all have them, people who make us second guess ourselves or continually create chaos and pain in the lives of those around them. We may not be able to remove them from our lives entirely but we can certainly set limits to shield ourselves from the negativity.

A toxic person is someone whose behaviour is frequently negative, unkind and sometimes wounding.  Relationships with people like this are often unhealthy and can effect us emotionally.  Not sure if the person you are thinking of is a toxic person? Take a look at  Psych Central’s, What’s A Toxic Person and How Do You Deal with One? They outline some signs that you might be surrounded by a toxic person. If you recognize some of these red flags then it is time to take steps to care for yourself.

In 8 Ways Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Toxic People one of the keys to dealing with them in an emotionally intelligent way is that they don’t allow other people to limit their joy.  Not allowing others to impact our mental wellbeing is important to our own mental health.  We make choices about giving power to others and in doing so we give them permission to impact our state of mind.  What if we said “no” to this and stayed focused on on our goals or as in #4 we remained solution focused.  Keep your eyes on your own goals and what you are setting out to achieve. Others can sometimes deflect us from our path.

Modelling the behaviour you want to see can help.  7 Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People gives a few helpful tips such as this. Remember we can’t change other people but we can change how we respond to them.  Demonstrate how to positively deal with a situation. If you are positive and consistent it can help you feel happier and this can have an impact on the toxic person.  It may take some time but it can happen with patience and kindness.

Think about what you want to see more of in your life and focus on that.  Focusing on the negative can sometimes bring more of what we don’t want into our lives.  So be kind to yourself and practice empathy and compassion and you will be on the road to a happier more at peace you.  The side effect may be that family member or colleague you are thinking about might be affected in a positive way too!



24 Aug

Overcoming Barriers to Change


So often in therapy clients utter the words “I can’t” when faced with new challenges and the possibility of making a life change.  The idea of change can be frightening but in the end can be very rewarding.  Overcoming barriers to change is necessary in order to make the transformation you are working towards.  Perhaps the key word to this is “working”. It is hard work to do something differently.  We all have habits and ways of doing things that are ingrained and that have been with us for years.  Making changes can be uncomfortable and difficult in the beginning.

One barrier is  fear which is very real and sometimes debilitating. Maybe it is fear of failure or fear of the unknown. What about fear of not trying and staying stuck? It is important to personal growth to keep moving forward and trying new things.

In a 2012 article from Life Hack, 4 Ways to Overcome Barriers to Change and Make New Habits Stick they suggest that taking on too much all at once can be a barrier to lasting change.  Start small, you do not need to change everything all in a day.  Remember that some of the habits you are trying to change may have been over a lifetime so it will take time.

Remember that change is constant in the world today whether we want it or not. Change is not always optional so we must be ready to embrace both good and bad changes.   In The 3 Most Dangerous Psychological Barriers to Change the author points out exactly that.  Change happens with and without our permission.

Change by choice is always nice and we all get to a point in our lives when we know it is time to make a change.  In 10 Signs It’s Time For a Major Life Change the author looks at some subtle signals.  Do you find yourself feeling like you are just settling and not reaching for what you really want? Do you feel like you’re not living your truth?

I love the article by Tiny Buddha that suggests 13 Ways to Change When Life Changes Around You. As humans we are adaptive creatures.  So look ahead and see change as a chance for renewal and rejuvenation. You might be surprised by what you can achieve by having the courage to try!

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