Should I end my relationship? This is a question that counselors get asked all of the time. If you are going to see a counselor for couples counseling, here are a few things to know.
A counselor will not tell you what to do.
This may come as unexpected for some. We help you explore what is happening in your relationship and help you gain some insight and perspective. Having a non biased, neutral person help you make connections that you may not see in the heat of the moment can be invaluable.
No one is to blame
Sounds like an old 80s song but let’s face it there are two in a relationship and when working on a relationship in counseling the road to creating trust, understanding and compassion for each other is not built on blame.
Set aside your agenda
Along the lines of of there is no one to blame, personal agendas need to be looked at to see how a mutual plan can be created. You are creating a new “we” and the idea is that you turn towards each other and not against.
It takes two to make things right
Yes, you both have to put the work in to get the result you want. The counselor will never work harder than you, it is your relationship and your life investment. Each one of you brings something to the table, the good, the bad and sometimes the ugly. Own it, unpack it and move on to work on the relationship you would like to have.
As you gathered, couples counseling is not for the faint of heart. It is difficult when two people hit a wall and bring in with them feelings such as anger, sorrow and vulnerability and lay it all out. And no, we will not tell you whether you should end your relationship, that part is up to you.